Now it's time to cut the shit. So my Real morning, not the Easter Bunny like one above, was a little more colorful. I awoke to the sound of "Momma! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" coming over the baby monitor. Yes, they scream to wake me up. Hubby got them out of bed and I start brushing my teeth and putting in my contact lenses because quite frankly if I don't do it now then it isn't going to happen. I hear at the door "momma! Momma!" knock, knock, knock. To which I reply " mommy will be out in a minute baby!" which was the wrong thing to do of course because now he knew that not only was I alive and in the house but I was behind this specific door. The correct response is to not move or make a sound. I am convinced children love dinosaurs because they are part dinosaur and if you remain still and silent they can't see you. "MAMAHHH!!!!" smack smack thud! I open the door and he is now laying kicking the door.
Now time for breakfast. I ask my oldest what he wants to eat in hopes we will avoid our routine 20 questions. Of course we don't feel like talking today. I decide not to give him a choice and just give him applesauce. Him and brother turn breakfast into a morning art class. Apparently it's more fun to paint the furniture and mommy's favorite shirt. Below is a picture of when we had cereal for breakfast. Yes, pretty much every meal ends poorly. I was told by some child "experts" to allow my kids to be messy when they eat because it's part of some kind of childhood learning process. I guess Charles Manson's parents didn't let him make mashed potato sculptures. I wonder to myself if they will pay for new carpeting in my apartment.
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